Well I have been sort of quiet lately. I had not been working much and kind of depressed. I have been in chronic pain for about 3-4 months. Severe pain for about two. I have had intense tennis elbow and actually contemplated cutting my arm off a few weeks ago.
Tennis elbow sounds like a weenie affliction until it happens to you and completely halts your life! I had been trying EVERYTHING and nothing seemed to work: Massage, acupuncture, cupping, cortisone & steroid shots, ice packs, ice baths, heating pad, compression arm band, magnets, anti-inflammatory meds, a TENS unit, Chiropractor, etc. My whole forearm became a complete knot, and I was freaking it would spread to my wrist and hand next; my right hand. Sleeping was impossible. Which of course lead to me being in a crap ass mood. And then I was frustrated that I could barely do anything for myself. I could not lift canvas, could not photograph, grip anything, twist (like a screwdriver), hammer, carry my purse, pull a trigger (like windex), hold my dogs, etc. I cannot even blow dry my hair, which means my hair looks like “the rats have been sucking on it” (as my Grandmother would say) – and you can imagine how that can make a girl feel after a few months. I was supposed to have renovated and painted my studio a few months ago but stopped after painting the floor and patching the walls in the gallery room. I physically could not finish. I had a few painting commissions I needed to complete and had to force myself to work an hour at a time here and there. The only thing that helped me forget I was in extreme pain – was good ole Pinot Grigio. But I was not interesting in becoming a self-medicating drunk. I already have too many alcoholics in my life as it is.
It was not until my massage therapist was doing some traction on my neck when most of the pain temporarily went away in my arm/elbow. So then I had an MRI and it showed that I have a bulging disc, arthritis, bone spurs, and inflammation in my neck which was causing all the arm/elbow pain. I had not really told too many people and decided to lay low because I was feeling so depressed, negative, and helpless. I felt full of excuses. I can’t stand people that seem to constantly have something wrong with them (their health, relationships, lives, etc)…..and I felt like I had become one of those people.
But as of THIS week I have finally gotten to a point where I think I am going to live! The chiropractor saved my life. I felt great for a full 12 hours after my first visit, and could finish up some painting that day. I have been receiving regular neck adjustments, elbow/shoulder adjustments, neck traction, and electronic stimulation for few weeks. And massaged all those knots and scar tissue out of my forearm. I still have localized elbow joint pain, and weakness but it feels like it did 3-4 months ago – not a month ago when I wanted to dip into some old wisdom tooth pain killers and cut off my arm. I was able to paint a few hours today. I have been trying to finish up some work that I started in February/March! I was even able to do some yoga a few days this past week. I did some meditating and decided to will away the pain (it did not work, but still willing) I had to force myself to take it easy. Which was/is hard because I have deadlines, and hate to ask for help (or cant) I have been tinkering around the house and spring cleaning (big time), I have also been concentrating on potty training Lola. There were a few days I wanted to drop her ass off at the Humane Society, but thankfully that passed as well.
I’m traveling to Boston tomorrow. I feel guilty because Im finally feeling well enough to start working more and I’m skipping town. So hopefully I can use this time to search for inspiration.